“Rudolf, do you love me? Do you really love me?””Of course I love you Rebecca. Oh Rebecca, why haven’t I told you more often? I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…tell me when to stop…I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…”
Rebecca laughed with glee. “Don’t stop, don’t ever stop.”
“Actually I have to, ‘cause I gotta get back to the North Pole, and the fog’s gettin’ thick enough where even I’m havin’ a tough time of it.” Rudolf shrugged. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Yeah…I’ll see you…I guess. That is if I’m still around.”
“Aw baby, come on, not that again. I’m doin’ everything I can. I had a talk with the Old Man about that coal in the stocking business, as per your request. He agreed that the way his real estate is shrinking, it might not have been such a good idea”
“Really? He really said that?” Rebecca beamed with happiness.
“Yeah, and if everything works out alright, lil’ sugar, I’ll have a big surprise for you this Christmas.”
“WHAT ARE THEY DOIN’ OUT THERE? THEY BEEN AT IT FOR TWO MONTHS,”
“There, there, dear, calm down now, calm down.” Santa tried to comfort his wailing wife who was usually sweet as syrup. “It’ll be over soon. They’ve never had a challenge like this and Christmas is only two weeks away.”
Mrs. Claus lowered her voice, “Rudolf’s been pretty flighty these last few weeks. I seen you two whispering. What’s going on?”
“Nothing dear, nothing that should worry you. Now please finish the Christmas cookies. There are a lot of good little kiddies craving those chocolate chip sugar bombs that you bake so well…Oh, and dear, don’t use any more fuel than you have to. You know…well, you know.”
“Yeah, I know.” Mrs. Claus glared at her husband. “Don’t say another word about it if you don’t want starch in your suit for the long ride.”
“Whaddya’ mean you hope so?” An unhappy reindeer was barking at the boss. “Hey daddyo, she’s in a family way, and we can’t be talkin’ no maybes.”
“Listen, you were nothin’ when I picked you up out of the gutter. Santa looked all around…well, when I picked you up…and yeah, you did me a favor. Don’t wear it out. This is the 21st century. You wanna’ know why you’re still guiding my sleigh? Cause we’re pals, that’s why. And lose the daddyo routine, willya. My elves are doin’ everything that can be done. They’re a great bunch of elves, but elves all the same. Remember that even Albert Einstein couldn’t figure this out.”
The elves were all asses and elbows, working ‘round the clock shifts.
“Hey Crank, slap me a 9/16″ box end willya’?
“Comin’ right up, Spug.”
“Hey, how many we got to go?”
“No sweat, we’ll be done early. Plenty o’ time to give each one of ‘em trial run.”
Bozzo was excited. He giggled happily. “We can’t disappoint the little tykes.”
“Who’s got the torch? I need the torch!”
“Over here, I’m almost done.”
And on, and on, and on it went, around the clock. No wonder Mrs. Claus was at her wits end. Well, soon it would be Christmas Day. Santa would be doin’ a post trip inspection on his sleigh, the elves would be sloppy drunk, and the reindeer would be crashed out for a day or two, except for Rudolf, who had a date.
A starry Christmas Eve arrived at long last. A giant moon rolled alongside the sleigh providing a great silhouette for Rebecca. Rudolf looked back and winked at Santa, and on cue, the jolly old fellow reached into his sack and tossed down an extra for the foxy little reindeer as she joyfully watched them soaring by, not that she had any practical use for it. It was just a nice way of saying that Rudolf had kept his promise.
Every kiddy in the world was getting one, even the bad kids who were long on coal.
They said it couldn’t be done. It took a bunch of street wise elves, reindeer in love, and Santa Claus…straight from the North Pole (where it’s always cold)…Cold Fusion…A Cold Fusion Reactor in every Christmas stocking!
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